Question about etiquette of combining birthday parties? Japanese Culture?

My mother will be turning 60 this coming June. We are all excited and want to make her day special. We decided to invite her friends and relatives.

My mom is actually adopted and we have had some contact with her birth family. We recently met her biological nephew and his wife last Christmas. They are very nice and we were happy to meet and get to know them. Especially since they speak English. (My mom was adopted from Japan).

Here is the thing, when my sister mentioned to this nephew's wife that we would be throwing our mother a birthday to celebrate her 60th this coming june through a text message, she was excited and said that was the same day of her husband's birthday. She asked if we could combine the birthday party with her husband's and my mom's 60th. My sister and I don't think it's a big deal, but my father was completely adamant about not doing that. We weren't think of doing something big, but we just thought maybe buying a cake for him too or something like that. I want to be nice and reach out to my mother's biological family. My mother is easy going and didn't mind combining the birthdays. My father though was very angry and said my mom would complain to him later about it and he wants to make this day her special day. We decided to compromise and make the birthday on the day before so it isn't actually on this nephew's birthday. (The day actually was better for different reasons that popped up too). I told my sister to text back the nephew's wife and say we decided to have it on a different day so your husband can have his own special day!

I sent an evite out and immediately the nephew's wife replied. I am not sure if my sister has texted her yet, but the nephew's wife said expressed her wish again about "getting a bit of bday blessing" on that day too for her husband---for all the others to see on the reply board. She obviously didn't get the hint! I am starting to think maybe my dad is right and it's kind of rude to just ask if we could combine a birthday party with someone else! Especially since we aren't that close.

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Seeing all these threads you put up, I've decided you need to talk to Emo, the other Admin. I'll tell him to check these threads out

one step ahead of you Bella
lol

Let me begin by welcoming you to the forum. If you need anything, just PM Bella or me. Now I do know a little bit about Japan, but not enough to give you avid advice. I honestly wouldn't have a big problem over the issue of combining your mom and cousin's birthday. In the long run, I'll be so much better for you family in the end.

I can really relate to this issue because one of my friends just met her biological family and she is 51. Convince your dad that it this is a great idea. Or do hold the birthday party behind his back. lol, jk.

Best of wishes

The only issue that may arise with this plan, except your father's annoyance, is it may become awkward. Holding a duel birthday party is a big thing, even if there are only 20 people there. Your mother's nephew and wife and their friends may feel awkward with the people you invite for your mother. You can either just deal with this, hope it gets better as the party progresses, or just hold two separate parties.

Technically, if your mother wants to have the combined bday, then it's up to her in the end to decide.

Good luck!

The only thing I know about combined parties is that when I was younger, I had two friends named Amy and Michael that were siblings, two years apart, but still were born on the same day. Since they had the same birthday, they would always combine their parties. Since I was friends with both of them, it made it easier on me to have the joint party.