Funny Quotes

Post randomly funny quotes here

'I believe that people and fish and coexist peacefully'-George W. Bush

You want some really hilarious AFI quotes, check the last few pages of the Jade/AFI/Blaqk Audio thread

will do!

"I would not like to go to Africa because I do not like sushi"
-Britney Spears

I told Bella about how someone had ripped my friend's jacket, and she said, "That's not nice. Sheep work really hard to make that cotton."

i know, she told me that at the lunch table
i almost chocked on my soy-chicken fajita

"Someone tried to save my soul in a gas station." -Orlando Bloom, on filming in Kentucky

"What a queer thing is Christian salvation! Believing in firemen will not save a burning house; believing in doctors will not make one well, but believing in a savior saves men. Fudge!" -Lemuel Washburn

Me- "Didn't JFK die of polio?"
Cheyenne- "Smarty, he was shot"
Me- "Oh yeah..."

epic fail

My Brother: Hey! Let me show you this thing on youtube.
Friend: We can't. My dad is on the computer. He's a professor so he has to get ready for school to start back.
Brother: Your dad is a professor? I didn't even know he was smart!

"Swat?" -Ms. Simmons

My Uncle: ((Talking about the bags that fold-up chairs come in)) d*mn! It's hard to get these chair-condoms on, isn't it?

hahaha very funny one)))

Me- Oh my gosh, the guy in the car behind us is so ugly
My friend- *looks back at the car*
Me- DON'T LOOK BACK THERE!

"Paige, focus. You're spacing out again." -My dad

Cesar- Its like those retarded fish at Wal*Mart;you think their dead, but their still moving

...lawls...?
"A very fine piece of monofilament was attaching Max Green to the planet. You are talking about a very sick soul who played with the wrong people… In the course of trade, Max got killed before he could pay his last bill. It makes it rather difficult for people to pay their bills. Not breathing affects your ability to write cheques." - Random dude who plays with rocks.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.